*ADDICTED*

Do you know how it feels when all of the air is squeezed from your lungs, and all of the blood is drained from your heart causing it to completley stop beating? Do you know how it feels when your stomach rejects the food you eat, and your physically starving yourself to death? How about, being in so much pain that it feels like your heart is literally ready to burst? Well, I know all too well how this feels. I've lived through it and am proud to say that I was able to overcome it- or at least I think so.
I met him when I was at rock bottom at a place of recovery. In many ways I believe he saved my life, and in many ways I believe he killed me. I made him my universe and everything and anything he did had a direct effect on my being. I was no longer living my life, I was living his.
It was definitley fate that brought us together, but fate was not able to tear us apart. After blood was shed and tears were cried, it seemed totally impossible to tear our grip from one another. To anyone else it was completley obvious that we needed to part ways but we were too blind to see that, our vision was too impaired, we were too high off pain; too ADDICTED. So we stayed in our downward spiral of bloody lips and black eyes. Because if it weren't for our physical pain, we could not engage in our physical love. After all the anger was unleashed towards eachother, we were then and only then, vulnerable enough to let eachother love. And we loved. We fought hard, but we loved even harder.
When he left me, I felt like I couldn't go on. I literally wanted to die because I didn't want to live without him. Now, I know my heart never stopped beating, but my heart was in so much pain that I wanted it to stop, so I could be freed of my misery.
Like a needle or a rock, I had him; and the withdrawals were identical. I couldn't eat or sleep, and the shaking was unbearable. All I wanted was him, all I thought about was him, and all I could do was cry out in agony like a fein waiting for his hit.
Now, five months later, I can look back and see how much better off I am. I'm told I have a "glow" to me, a word that is often used to describe people detoxing off of their drug of choice. However, even in saying that, I can't deny the nostalgic feelings that I still have for him. And I am not certain of how our encounter would play out if we were to ever see eachother again. But deep down, I have a feeling that if I were ever to see that face again, and hear that voice again, all of that self improvement that I have accomplished over the past months, might just go out the window because I know i am truly powerless over my ADDICTION. <3