*OnLy YoU*

The worst feeling in the whole entire world is feeling completley and utterly lonley while your lying right next to the person you are so deeply involved with. The one who's touch used to make your heart race and who's presence once made you feel whole. To see those hands that were once at one with yours, or constantly wrapped around your waste, distant and cold. To watch those eyes that were once glued to you and were impossible to tear their gaze from you, now consumed in other things. To look into those eyes that were once entranced by yours, now looking more like the eyes of a stranger. To witness first hand, the ONE that you are so deeply in love with, fall out of love with you.

Even the kisses weren't the same. Sweet, long magical kisses turned into short pecks where eyes were left open focusing on backround activity. It always boils back to the eyes. One day there seemed to be a shift in his stare. It was like a switch went off and a warm, loving look was replaced by a look of annoyance; of irritation. His mind off in a foreign world thinking of other things. Thinking of "her". I wonder if she notices these signs. Everytime one of our many songs play on the radio does she notice the immediate silence that follows? Everytime they come in contact with an adorable creature does she notice how he rips his hand from hers, and walks away lighting a cigerette? Because I am certain these incidents happen. I am so certain because YOU HAVE TRIED COMING BACK A NUMEROUS AMOUNT OF TIMES. So strange since you were the one who wanted to leave, and you were the one who became so disconnected. I guess you really never know what you have until its gone, until it has DISSAPEARED, like I have done. Thought you can just put me away on a shelf like a toy and come get me when you wanted to play again. I can imagine how surprised you must be to find that it didn't quite turn out that way.

You are filling a void by being with her. Its like stuffing a ball into a cut out of a square; doesn't quite fit. Your heart is empty and you are doing anything and everything you can to fill it up. Well tell me YOU, how is that working out?

I want to believe all the sweet nothings you still tell me. I want to call you like you have continuously asked me to do, so my heart can skip a beat at just the sound of your voice. I want to be with you so bad. To get lost in those puppy dog eyes, glide my lips across your caramel chest, run my hands through your thick beautiful black hair but something is keeping me from you. A force stronger than myself is keeping me so distant and SO SELFISH. What an ugly word but yet, I have never felt SO BEAUTIFUL! Selfishly unselfish. Finally focusing on MY life, MY family, MY friends, MY career instead of being so consumed with yours. I have never felt so STRONG, so BEAUTIFUL, so COURAGEOUS, yet so LONELY at the same exact time. But I refuse to resist that last feeling. I will not be in a relationship just because i am AFRAID of being by myself like you are doing. How sad it must be to kiss lips that you wish were mine. I don't envy you at all my love. I don't envy you at all.